Myweather

The school did well, but I guess people expected more, including me.

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Talked to Ms Chua today. I miss her so much. Bubbly character, having so much faith in us, and always caring for our welfare other than studies. 当全世界的人都否定我们时，只有她发自内心地相信我们可以的，那么真诚地告诉我们，行的，我们是聪明的。Had tears in my eyes when I talked to her. How my promos went wrong, how all the teachers looked down on us (to some extent, though it might be a strategy but clearly it has gone quite wrong), how I couldn't finish the paper, how teachers expected/thought that I was doing well all along and had no significant problems. For her, for Ms Chong, for those who believe in me, I want to do well, I want to see my name up there when they announce 7 distinctions, and so I need to start putting in true real effort, stop watching dramas during homework time, and start to focus more in class. Things were still okay at the start of the year, but as I get more and more tired, I start to want to give things up. Now, because I can't say I don't like history, because part of me doesn't want to give things up and admit defeat, I want to work harder. And because I don't want to hear people say "humanities people can't do math and sci", because RV is so inherently a math and sci sch, and because so many people taking sci actually want to go into the arts or professional degrees like accountancy, (bloody hell, then why do you take PCME or BCME), and because I hate the tinge of condescending/awkward look when my eyes meet Mr Ong's, I want my math to get an A. I want to show that I will succeed. And for this, I'm going to start working hard.

I don't want to regret. I don't want to cry after receiving my results. I don't want to have to fear, and go back to sch only after everyone has left to collect my results. I want to be able to look back and feel proud of myself. So I guess things have to start NOW.

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And on a sidenote, I want to start/have a study group. A culture where people come tgt to share knowledge and spark new thoughts. Not be selfish too.

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Before I bade goodbye to Ms Chua and left the sch, I asked her if I can hug her. And she said yes, and while she hugged me and my chin rested lightly on her shoulder, she gave me a tiny squeeze on my back/shoulders, and I could feel it so vividly even tho I was carrying a backpack. For her, for those who trust and care for me, I want to do well.

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